Dear Black Men,
I don’t exactly trust you but I still love you…
You see, there’s not a lot of people I can say I trust. Whether it be family, friends, boys or girls. And I’ve learnt to accept the fact that that’s okay not to trust people.
We’re all human, and trust is a massive commitment whether you see it or not.
Trust in all aspects means you put your faith into another Individual, you might not be sexually involved with them, they could just be a friend of yours or a common family member, either way you put faith into that person. A little bit of you is given to them, because you chose to, you felt comfortable to do so.
Not being able to trust someone in my eyes is not a bad thing. It’s actually quite a positive thing. It means you got you. You take care of yourself, you put yourself first and you love yourself. Simple.
I mean, I do have a few people around me in my circle & in my life that I can honestly say, I trust. Whole heartedly.. no. But to a far extent yes.
For example I have a male black friend, whom I’ve known now coming up to three years. From the get go we clicked. Ever thought to yourself, ‘damn, you’re just like me’. That’s how I felt every time I spoke to him. We were cut from the same cloth (as one of my good friend used to say), it felt like his brokenness and struggles were just as sad as my brokenness and struggles.
We would talk on the phone about life, struggles, the little things in life we don’t appreciate no more, love, lust, desires, shit relationships we’ve both had and most of all, our spirit that kept us on the right path and pushed us individually onto new chapters in our life.
I’ve forever been grateful for him, because as strange as it sounds, We’ve always sensed when one another was going through a bad phase in our lives. Every time I was in any predicament of my own, he’d randomly call, I swear it was like he knew what was going on in my life & vice versa I’d do the same.
I’d always tell him ‘you’re so weird, you actually called right at the perfect time. I’m actually going through so much. You don’t understand how seeing your name pop up on my phones made me feel’ and he’d always respond with the same old line ‘Darita so why don’t you pick up the phone and call me? You know I’m always here for you silly’. – just that used to cheer me up.
He was caring, attentive and most of motivating to make me better myself in all aspects of my life, personality and all. The fact that he would take time out of his busy life schedule to listen to my sad life always made me appreciate him a little more every time. He was there to guide me, like an angel. He became that strength I needed – most people would think that no guy would go through all this effort just to be ‘friends’ with a girl. Well unfortunately you’re all wrong. He was my friend. His friendship is what I treasured and still treasure till today.
He’ll always check on me from time to time, he supports me and even though we don’t talk that often anymore since I moved on my study placement to Cyprus there’s always going to be love there, he was at my leaving party and I appreciated every little thing he did to make sure I was happy. He showed it through all his actions.
I know, that in my previous blogs of pure entertaining savagery, I’ve degraded the men that have come into my life and that I’ve ended up in relationships with.
I feel like the negativity I’ve brought to my blog had fed into the light we shun upon our black men in today’s generation and it’s true I’ve been a part of that to an extent – highlighting the hurt relationships that these men have caused me, humiliating the ones who have broken my heart with humour, the things I’ve done back to them in retaliation and so forth. But I’m not sour no more from my past, I’m much more embracing that I went through all those things.
But I want us women to realise that, some men might do us wrong & of course we always want to seek revenge (in many cases, not all) because the satisfaction it gives us to know we can’t be treated like a price of meat or looked upon as the weaker sex. It just won’t run. It’s not our nature to get fucked over and not react.
But I wanted to shed some positivity into the black men we do so much care for and love. Because all this degrading is only putting strain into our future relationships. It’s changing our perceptions and mentality to the extent where we’d rather be single for long periods of time, just fucking each other over time and time again. Until we’ve had enough and we feel like it’s ‘time to give up the game’.
And that’s not helping finding love and bringing back romance into our generation.