Being the female bread winner in a relationship

Being the female bread winner in a relationship can be real tough and strenuous in any relationship.

On this week’s episode on BKCHAT LDN the topic of discussion was ‘how much does money matter in a relationship’.

Now don’t get me wrong, as I’ve grown older and mature, the years have passed by for me to realise that yes, things cost money. You need money to do anything in life. Whether it be travelling, eating, paying bills or even just going on a night out with the girls, it all costs money.

As for me I started my first job at the age of 16, every week I’d get paid £40 and half went to my parents (us Portuguese lot can relate) and the rest I used on myself. I was the first few people in my circle that worked at an early age so, you can say that I had a kick-start into the working world.

Now things changed when I started dating, I ended up in my first relationship around the age of 18. Obviously, the mentality back in the day wasn’t really that pressuring to be going out to Shard every weekend, doing goals with bae or anything like that… that’s only happened as of recent.

So anyways let me get cracking with the story.

Me and my boyfriend at the time were still in college and everyone knows how much work there is when studying A-levels. You feel like there isn’t any time to even socialise sometimes and its physically as well as mentally draining for those entire two years at college.

But basically, I dated a black guy for about a year who didn’t work or even move a muscle, he’d rather be broke, sit on his PlayStation and do nothing. But regardless, I still dated the boy… because I liked him. We were compatible, the time and effort he would put into talking to me, motivating and pushing me to be the best I could be, being what made us have a deeper connection. As his girlfriend, I always tried to motivate him to continue doing what he was passionate about, which was playing football and making music – he was a good singer and rapper back then. But because he was still so hung up on the fact he couldn’t make in football, his frustrations would ruin his mood 24/7 and adding to the fact he was broke didn’t make his situation any better.

To see him get depressed and saddened about not being able to fulfil his dreams always made me want to go the extra mile for him to not only to take his mind off things but to be happy and grateful for the fact that he is alive. If God didn’t intend for you to go down that path, then sometimes you have to accept it and carry on. – word of advice there x

Throughout our relationship, I always encouraged him on going out, whether it be for a simple meal or to go catch a quick movie. But on a regular basis it would be me footing the bill, because I was only one out of us both that worked and had money. He didn’t have a job so I knew the only possibility of him coming out with me was to pay for pretty much everything.

But things started to become too irritating, whenever he would suggest going out… I would still pay for everything! That’s not how it works honey! That’s when it became an issue. If I invite you out I would gladly pay for our meal but when it’s the other way around I’d expect the same gesture to be returned.

Ultimately being the one who basically had to cater for his ass, became strenuous. Time and time again I would encourage him to look for a job but he always refused. Until one day he finally got hooked up with a small catering job and things in our relationship was easing off on me. He could finally step up to the plate and become the boyfriend he always wanted to be to me.

Now don’t get me wrong, we weren’t always going to Nando’s and TGIF. But I was always taught to work within my means (money wise). So, more time we’d do simple shit like go McDonalds or Nando’s or whatever. I could never say I was ashamed when he’d be like ‘let’s go McDonalds’. Me being me, I’m a fat shit I’ll eat anywhere and that would never bother me.

To me, my relationship revolved around emotions, love and motivation. Even though I looked past his financials, whether he had money or not wasn’t an issue to me because I knew I was healthy and I had money so I could take care of myself and of course more time I’d cater to him too. But there’s certain limits to things.

The realisation came to me that money does play an effective role into a relationship because, I’d be damned if our relationship revolved solely on love and emotions. Imagine, your birthday comes around the corner and he doesn’t even buy you a gift because his broke. Imagine on valentine’s day all he is offering you is dick and dashes a couple yellow petals from his garden outside, not even bloody red petals?? Imagine. Money plays a significant role.

I know for a fact no girl would stick around for a broke man that doesn’t want to go out there and make something of himself. And I am sure no man would date a woman if she was broke and bummy scrounging off you for money 24/7.

So does money matter in a relationship? Hell yeah it does.



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