‘Why do you date these guys Darita? I don’t understand?’ – that’s the line I get every time I end up talking about the guy I’m currently seeing.
I can’t seem to get it right. I really cant.
Mr. Erectile Dysfunction was quite possibly the most entertaining and sexually revolved relationship I can consider ever having.
It all started when he urinated ‘ D A R I T ’ on the curb next to a bus station.
Yes, he tried to urinate my name as a sign of affection, did it work? It damn well did. I was cracking up with laughter.
Mr. E.D; – I’ll be nice and cut it short for everyone, was in fact someone I had seen a few times at my local gym.
He was tall, dark and handsome; actually screw the handsome part he was alright still. I would give him no more than 5 out of 10. (whereas my girls considered him a 3/10… so you can understand why they were already on my case).
It all started the typical cliché way, Twitter DM’s. He must of somehow found me on twitter, retweeted couple pictures as you do and then slid into the DM’s.
From what I gathered he was Ghanaian, and from what everyone used to say Ghanaians are the nice humble ones, not like these Nigerian demons who want to ruin your life. Me being me, I went and followed up the Instagram too added some preeing eyes under one of his old pictures (so he knew the deal).
About two days later we moved from DM’s to iMessage, until he asked what I was doing on that Wednesday night. He suggested it was going to be a decent night at some club nearby so I told him I’ll be there. We met up at the club, two two whines later, I found myself liking his vibe. After the night ended, he was outside with all his boys searching for tings to take home it seemed, until I approached him drunk out my nut. I whispered romantically drunk in his ear, ‘you’re coming home with me tonight’.
15 minutes later I find him making me indomie in my kitchen while I jumped in the shower to get rid of all signs of my drunken mess. So, we ended up in the kitchen that night eating indomie and talking about life and all the funny shit that’s ever happened to us, it just felt surreal. His perfect teeth and chubby cheeks just smiling back at me. Thats when I clocked it was 6am and I needed sleep. I knocked out and he went home. Surprisingly he did text me that evening after gym asking if he could come over and of course I said yes.
What I was to see that evening in my room was one to remember.
He walked into my room sat down on my chair and gave me a kiss which I really wasn’t expecting. He just came back from gym sweaty as hell, before you know it he was stripping off his purple hoodie and to my surprise he was FIT AS FUCK.
To me I’m not exactly a fan of big muscles and boys taking protein shakes but God damn, he was ripped. His physique was impeccable. Abs were looking juicy; his arms were very well toned and everything about him looked so damn delicious.
I knew I struck gold.
The first time I found out about his erectile dysfunction was after the crazy night out he urinated ‘ D A R I T’ on the curb next to the bus station.
We had come back from a night out and as you casually do, we were a drunken hot horny mess. The moment we got back to my place we got straight into it… no time to waste.
He knew how to tease me, caressing his lips upon my neck while sliding down my underwear. He knew how to do this, he had experience. It was all going good until I pushed him down and was about to give him the best head of his life that I found his dick soft. SOFT as in not even erected one bit. I was so confused. ‘E.D. how comes your little man doesn’t want to play tonight? Whats wrong? Are you nervous?’ his response baffled me, ‘I’m sorry babe I’m cross faded, I don’t think I can fuck tonight’. Weird as it was I just called it a night, cuddled up to him and fell asleep.
Until it happened again.
This time it was a different excuse. ‘Babe, I’m not feeling well that’s all, gym got me mad tired. I dunno’.
All I could think of is maybe it was true, maybe all the protein shakes and supplements he was taking was affecting his dick getting hard.
Until the third time it happened again. I just stopped, got on top of him, looked him in the eyes and said ‘E.D. is there something wrong with your little man? Do you need to see a doctor?’ yet his response baffled me completely. ‘Let’s try Viagra, I’ve always wanted to see how well it would work, I think my boy might have someone sec’ and he left the room.
I don’t know what happened but his dick started getting hard, Viagra works. It was the first time we could have sex and it was amazing. I think it was the relief I was finally able to move past the drought crisis I was having. Selfish I know .
Time went on, we started to become more and more serious. You see to me, sex is a big part of a relationship but there was something that kept me with him that was much more than sex. It was the quirky and grounded personality that we had in common that kept me interested. I wouldn’t say I was in love but the time he spent with me and affection he would show me regularly was what tipped me over the edge.
We became so solid that at one point I started living together at his place and things just got more and more serious. This is what triggered the regular sex, the more time we spent with each other the more sex we would have. He used to say it’s because he loves female company that we have so much sex, but everyone around him knew he was falling for me. It was so regular we would probably have sex around 5 times in a day and even take showers together.
Even though he had erectile dysfunction, not the severest of cases, I just knew it was an issue. I tucked that secret of his under the carpet very well.
Until the day he decided to go cheat on me whilst being back in his home town . The way I found out was incredible, but that’s another story to tell.
So why did I stay for 8 months of erectile dysfunction? Because apart from his dick never being hard, that tongue did wonders. So, that’s why I stayed.