A relationship with both father and mother is something we actually take for granted sometimes – for those who have both their parents under one roof , it may feel like it’s the best thing in the world. But for some others, not having both parents in your life is a struggle from time to time.
Having a bond with both parents is key to having a happier, fulfilling life you might say right? But it’s not just that, it all reflects the relationships you’ll have further in your love life.
Some of us, both male and female seem to have issues when it comes to our relationships. Everyone seems to blame it just on our mindset, but sometimes shits deeper than that. It’s daddy issues.
Now don’t get me wrong, I think everyone has a form of daddy issues . I think in our society it’s almost a way of life too.
For females, having a fucked up relationship with her father can be disastrous for her future. It leads to distrust in men, the wrong ‘selection’ of a male partner, lack of morals in herself e.g she becomes more of a ‘hoe’ earlier on in life and lack of faith in general.
These few points can equally become dangerous for herself, her surrounding family, friends and future career paths.
It just shows how important the male figure in a woman’s life truly is.
Daddy issues has never been an easy topic to talk about because my own father wasn’t even involved for the first nine years of my life, so when I think about my father I just think of someone who was absent and then in his own time popped up when it was suitable for him.
I was your typical outgoing child, who would be happy 24/7. I was a 90s baby.
My mum raised me herself, my dads presence was very irregular… sometimes I’d see him one weekend, the next I wouldn’t seen him till four years later. His inconsistency was what hurt me the most. As a child we love so innocently, and that was me all over. I loved every person I knew, but the love for my dad was never there. I feared him.
I can’t lie, my daddy issues are still lurking above my head. It took my dad 9 years to then step up to the plate and even when he did I just didn’t trust him and his judgement. It was just too late.
Sometimes I’m likely to go out my way to please a man, not because I fear abandonment , but because I never had that solidity in my life, as my dad should of been. My dad wasn’t there and that’s why I give too much to a man too quickly, it’s a way of filling up that empty hole.
Not seeing a normal functioning relationship between my parents growing up meant I didn’t know what to expect really and truly – the things I should know about a man and woman’s relationship.
For someone who hasn’t seen this all my life, I had to start fresh when it came to my own love life because I wasn’t familiar with the concept of a relationship, only through trial and error would I realise where I fucked up. It took me a couple relationships and a few tumbles and crashes to realise why things weren’t going right.
But then it can go the other way for me at times. I’d shut myself off, build a wall and never let a boy into my love life. I’d repeat to myself that I will never trust any man no matter the situation and never give any impression that I was longing companionship deep down. I’d live my life with the fattest grin on my face when really and truly I wasn’t genuinely happy.
Not having love from my dad, was what made me search for love in a boyfriend. I tried to replace love & affection from my own father into a complete stranger. Opening up your mind, body & spirit to feel the butterflies in my stomach, to feel the goosebumps run up my spine, soft lips on my neck, fingers locking into each others hands and the warm embraces, feeling like i was actually loved by someone. But that all ended.
The regularity of me in and out of relationships and trusting these men so fast was just temporary happiness. I just loved the honeymoon phase of a relationship that when shit hits the fan, I’d run away, or my boyfriend would fuck off. I’d tell myself he was a piece of shit and pursue somebody new. And it was always this vicious cycle.
Now, I’m not that same person I was before. I started putting myself first, working hard, focusing on my books, loving my family and friends and avoiding rushing into relationships like I did before.
It was when I decided to bless things with my dad that I felt some sort of relief. Sometimes it takes the bigger person to toss all the shit to the side and move on with life.
We all deal with daddy issues. It’s been such a part of everyone’s life, that it’s seems normal now.
Everyone’s got issues,
Daddy was mine.
By Darita Rodrigues